A (kindergarten) mother’s prayer to let go

prayertoletgo

She still wears animal prints. Everywhere. Always.

 

This prayer was originally published back in February, around the time of my baby girl’s birthday. Today, I reblog it because THIS is exactly where I am this week.

I sent her off to kindergarten, and my heart is in need of some quality God time because of it. #mommyneedsapsalm

If your heart is in need of a little pick-me-up-God, pray with me…again.

***

Dear Lord,

I look at my child, and I see innocence. I see vulnerability. I see the child with tiny, sweet voice asking for mommy.

If I had a choice, I would keep her in this place, all chub and sippy cups, cracker crumbs and stuffed animals.

I would lock her to me, breathe in the scent of her hair and whisper “Mommy loves you.” Always.

If I had a choice, I would pretend I can’t hear You say the time draws near.

I would pretend we see her the same — she’s just a baby girl. Continue reading

My husband sends me boring emails, and I keep every one

boring email from husband to wife

This is marriage.

 

He sent me another one today. A short email to say he would try to be home a little earlier so I could get in a couple of hours of work before we were due at our girls’ back-to-school night.

A boring email.

He sends me a lot of such emails.

I can’t remember the last time he sent me a flowery love email like some women get. Or a simple “thinking of you” message. (Though he does give beautiful cards for special occasions.)

From an outside perspective, the emails he sends me are nothing special. Mundane at best. But I keep every stinkin’ one of them. I have since we first started dating, back when he DID send me love messages.  Continue reading

When I hated my dad

daughter upset with father

He hurt me. Again.

He lied to me. Again. Straight to my face.

What kind of father does that? What kind of father hurts his children and shows no remorse? Or drives his child to a nervous breakdown, at work? Or watches his ex-wife go through humiliating circumstances because of his actions, and barely apologizes?

No father I want to be around. That was my answer back then.

When my parents’ divorce first went down years ago, I MADE IT KNOWN he was not a father I wanted to be around. Known to him, known to everyone.

Today, when I look back on those years of Dad’s poor choices, I no longer see the self-centered man I once did.

Instead, I see a man who was lost in a dark place. A man who needed the prayer, not the hatred, of his daughter.

Equally important, I see an IMMATURE young woman. Continue reading